,,ii::. ..ii;;. ,tWW####GG iiW#####DD. .;##########LL ;;W##########L. ;#####f;::f####f. ;W####f;;:f####Lt .G####K" `YE####t tL####f" `iE####: ,;####f; `i####f; .fW####E' 'D####t .G#####; "######; LL####L; 'L####t .;####Ef D#####t; fK#####f' :#####L L#####f' 'E#####K. ;t#####W" K#####t .jK#####f t######L. .D######G f######t ii#####f' 'f######;. ;L#####L; :######K, j" `"#k ;# 8888888b. .d88888b. 8888888b. 888b 888 .d88888b. '#; .## 888 Y88b d88P" "Y88b 888 Y88b 8888b 888 d88P" "Y88b ##. .f## 888 888 888 888 888 888 88888b 888 888 888 ##t f### 888 d88P 888 888 888 d88P 888Y88b 888 888 888 ###t .G### 8888888P" 888 888 8888888P" 888 Y88b888 888 888 ###G f#### 888 888 888 888 T88b 888 Y88888 888 888 ####t .G#### 888 Y88b. .d88P 888 T88b 888 Y8888 Y88b. .d88P ####G ;f#### 888 "Y88888P" 888 T88b 888 Y888 "Y88888P" ####t; G#" "##G .E# 888888b. 888 888 8888888b. .d8888b. 888888888 8888888b. "#E. .## 888 "88b 888 888 888 Y88b d88P Y88b 888 888 Y88b ##. ;## 888 .88P 888 888 888 888 888 888 888 888 888 ##; G## 8888888K. 888 888 888 d88P 888 888888 888 d88P ##G ### 888 "Y88b 888 888 8888888P" 888 88888 888 8888888P" .### .### 888 888 888 888 888 T88b 888 888 888 888 T88b .####. .### 888 d88P Y88b. .d88P 888 T88b Y88b d88P 888 888 T88b "###. :### 8888888P" "Y88888P" 888 T88b "Y8888P88 888888888 888 T88b ###: ;###. .###; i######### ####BY#### #########i i######### ########## #########i f######### CYB0RG/ASM #########t L######### #########L i######### #########i Late in January 2005, McDonald's began running an ad campaign with the slogan "I'd hit it!" Anyone who has ever been on the 'net, or stepped outside their house, knows that "I'd hit it!" is a weak- ly veiled euphemism for "I'd monkey-fuck that hot slut and spray her pretty little bitch-face with gooey man-mayonnaise! (if only she'd be with a pathetic loser like me. *sniff*)" So. What? I'd hit it? You mean you'd fuck a sandwich? What else could McDonald's be suggesting? I havn't been able to get it out of my head. Normally I don't think about McDonald's at all, except for whenever I see a fat american, or when I want to remember what it feels like to have ice-pick-like stabbing pains throughout my bowels. But I've since wondered, are people out there making sweet sweet sandwich love completely unbeknownst to me? Have I been missing out on some heretofore undreamt of fornication possibilities? Well, the time had finally come for me to find the answers to these and other questions. It was a hot Friday night and I was in the mood for some in-N-out action. I showered, put on some aftershave, got dressed, hopped in the Caddy, and headed to the nearest McDonald's to pick up my date. As I pulled into the lot I could tell the joint was jumping and that there would be many willing sandwiches to choose from. As I entered, the greasy smell of sex assailed my nostrils. The heady aroma went straight to my medulla oblongata, conjuring visions of ribald romps in golden french-fry meadows. I sauntered up to the counter and perused the bevy of succulent beauties, lasciviously posed, photographed, and displayed like pornographic centerfolds. Toppings and condiments teasingly peeking out from between those tender tanned buns. Oh gawd, it was almost more than I could take! Let's see, being new to sandwich fucking I was unsure of which would offer the most delicious pleasure for my dollar. Big Mac? Ewww. It appeared all sloppy and loose and reminded me of a slightly less man-like version of Rosie O'Donnell. Like, fuck, where would you even stick it into that monstrosity? Filet-O-Fish (Fellatio Fish?) mmm... very tempting indeed. But, I doubt she could handle all that I had to offer... Wait. There she is. The sandwich of my dreams. The Double Quarter Pounder... with Cheese. I could feel my own meat beginning to swell with perverse anticipation. I made eye-contact with the pimply young lady at the counter. Her seductive stare indicated clearly that her own panty-bacon was greasy and sizzling, ready for a hot beef injection. Ordinarily I'd char-broil her patties, but I was after something else... something even more exotic. "I'd like to do the Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, please", I stated, giving my eyebrows just the slightest suggestive wiggle. "Would you like fries and a drink with that?", she propositioned. "How'm I gonna fuck fries and a drink?", I retorted. Eyes wide, "Excuse me?!", she exclaimed. "Never mind. Just the slutty sandwich please", I said meekly and looked away, slightly embarrassed. I tossed my new girlfriend onto the passenger seat of my Caddy and headed for home. With my meat bulging and man-milk percolating in my gonads, I felt like the burger king and I'd soon be christening my dairy queen. Upon our arrival I quickly showed her around the place and then we made ourselves comfortable on the sofa. I decided I'd better make my move while she was still hot and in the mood. I skillfully undressed her delicate paper covering and beheld the fineness of this gastronomical temptation. Good enough to eat? Nay. Good enough to FUCK. Yeah, baby. Let's GET - IT - ON. I began fondling her supple soft buns. They were beautifully tanned. As I slipped a finger in I could feel that she was already well lubricated and dripping savory juices. She was good to go. I deftly position- ed myself over her and smoothly slipped my throbbing cock-meat between her greasy beef labia. She was tight and I was lovin' it. I pumped that velvety cheese passage and gradually increased my pace. I gave no quarter and began to really pound'er, jostling her pickles. It was obvious that she was getting what she wanted. Her pussy grease was now running down my balls, and they glistened like a pair of McNuggets just pulled from the deep-fryer. I couldn't hold on any longer... "Unngh. Yeah. Take it you fast-food whore. Take it all!", I said aloud as I un- loaded stream after delicious stream of my own brand of creamy special sauce deep inside of her. And you know what? She took it all. I fell back into the sofa, breath ragged, like a mexican midget that had just run the border. She lay there next to me, splayed and disheveled, milky cum mixed with ketchup drooling from between her pouty meat lips like melted strawberry shake. I didn't want her oozings to stain my sofa, and now that the deed was done I had to get rid of that burger bitch before she wanted to talk about her feelings or tried to get me to buy her something nice. I wrapped and tossed the cheap slut back into the greasy bag she came in, zipped and buttoned my trousers, and grabbed my shoes. I headed outside and pawned her off on the first dirty homeless indian I came across squatting on the filthy pavement. As I handed the now wrinkled sack to him I could almost see tears of joy welling up in his beady dark eyes. I smiled and said to him, "Enjoy, my friend. Enjoy." Porno-Burger by CYB0RG/ASM Samhain 2007 www.HACKCANADA.com Doing it OUR way! Fuck yeah! http://www.hackcanada.com/cyb0rg/asm/ascii/porno-burger.txt