Wednesday, April 05, 2006
The Gatorade Conspiracy Part II: The Cover-up Continues
Thanks to sites like Attu Sees All, Fazed, Linkapalooza, Stumble Upon, and Unique Daily, we've had over 10,000 hits on our Gatorade Conspiracy
post. Consequently, we've also gotten a lot of comments and e-mail
responses. Some of you laughed, some of you cried, and some of you just
made rude statements about the quality and/or gender of the people we
have sex with. Thank you, everyone. We plan to send each and every one
of you a nice fruit basket and some Strawberry Shortcake stickers.Having worked for my high school and college newspapers, I know a little something about journalistic standards, and so all the "Fuck you" and "You're gay" e-mails made me realize something: I presented only one side of the story. It was my own biased side, and, honestly, I was okay with that. But, as any other good journalist would do, I decided to dig a little deeper in order to present the Counterpoint to my Point.
The first step was obvious: contact Gatorade Customer Service. I sent them an e-mail that, in effect, said "Your bottle looks like a giant penis. Please change it." This was Gatorade's response:
"We are glad to hear that you truly enjoy Gatorade and that nothing rehydrates you better. But we are disappointed that you found our packaging unsatisfactory. When developing product packages, numerous designs are considered. There are many factors involved in producing containers which function easily and best protect the product. The final selection is made on the basis of convenience, product safety and cost. Your comments and point of view have been shared with management. They are appreciated and will be considered in reviewing packaging in the future."
I'm
still trying to figure out whether they actually read my e-mail or just
sent back some kind of form letter. I think all that "We're glad
Gatorade rehydrates you" stuff was their way of screwing with me. And
listen up, Gatorade people, I don't find your packaging unsatisfactory.
I find it looks like a giant, fruit-flavored schlong. Maybe if you
weren't so busy blowing smoke up my ass, you could comment on that. And
I sincerely doubt my viewpoint will be considered the next time
Gatorade designs a bottle. Of course, I'll take that back if they ever
release a drink dispenser shaped like Gwen Stefani's luscious breasts.After Gatorade gave me the brush off, I wasn't sure what else I could do. Then I discovered that Darren Rovell, ESPN.com's sports business reporter, runs a Gatorade blog. The blog is advertised as "An Unauthorized Look At One Of America's Most Dominant Brands." Darren even wrote an entire book about Gatorade. Personally, I think Darren and his Gatorade need to go get a room or something. But if anyone would know whether Gatorade is trying to force giant penises into the unsuspecting mouths of the sports drink drinking public, it would be him.
But what's this?! Before I could even contact Rovell, he made "first contact" by mentioning our post on his blog! Here was what he had to say:
"Over the past couple weeks, I've received two letters asking me if I thought that Gatorade's bottles were purposely phallic. I thought this was ridiculous. Gatorade's bottles are built the way they are because of the fact that the plastic has to hold up under extremely high heat without being permanently warped. The E.D.G.E. ergonomic bottle is made so that it can be optimally gripped. Not to mention the fact that, considering the majority of Gatorade's bottles are purchased by men and boys, it isn't too beneficial to intentionally shape your product like a piece of male anatomy. I'm not going to go into the graphic details that this site Basketbawful goes into, but I'll link it up here since I only expect this will spread around the Web more and, as with every Gatorade story, I like it to have some presence here."I admit to getting a little tingly about making it on the personal Web site of a guy who works for ESPN.com. Of course, that thrill was diminished by the fact that he called my theory "ridiculous." I don't really buy into his explanations, either. The bottle is shaped like a cock because of the heating process it's made with? Whaaaa?! So he's basically saying that it's physically impossible for Gatorade bottles not to look like a penis. I'm not a bottle-making scientist, or even what you would call "of average intelligence," but I'm pretty sure physics doesn't work that way. If that were the case, wouldn't all plastic bottles have contoured, penis-shaped tops?
His other two anti-conspiracy explanations actually play right into my hands. He contends that 1. Gatorade bottles are designed for maximum grippability, and 2. the primary target audience of Gatorade consists of men and boys (who, obviously, don't want to suck sports drink out of a simulated wang). But think about it. What single object do all men and boys spend most of their time gripping? That's right. The penis. Anybody who's gone through puberty can tell you that. So it stands to reason that, the phallic shape is the perfect design for optimum gripping. And it's already familiar, so guys aren't going to go around spilling their Gatorade.
I'm sorry Gatorade and Darren. I still think there's something fishy in the state of Denmark. After all, television and movies have proven that you can never trust rich mega-corporations. And anybody who keeps a special diary about his favorite sports drink is certifiably (and perhaps dangerously) insane. But that's okay. I don't really want to know the truth. It's funnier that way.
Coming Soon: Responses to the comments and e-mails about The Gatorade Conspiracy.
Comments:
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1 retarded post wasn't enough?
your cock seriously get real small at the tip.. oh no you just ignore the actual shape to make your stupid point so 13 year olds, or those who never grew out of the "hehehe penis=funny" stage can sit and laugh
real comedic genius
maybe you can do the same article again with powerade, all-sport, juicy juice, just about every other bottle ever...
your cock seriously get real small at the tip.. oh no you just ignore the actual shape to make your stupid point so 13 year olds, or those who never grew out of the "hehehe penis=funny" stage can sit and laugh
real comedic genius
maybe you can do the same article again with powerade, all-sport, juicy juice, just about every other bottle ever...
I can't believe that last retard got so worked up over this article. It served it's purpose perfectly. Heh. ;)
This is great. I really think you need to dig deeper into the ESPN guy.
maybe he doesn't want to look like a screaming homo? maybe he is on
Gatorade's payroll? I dunno. Keep it up you will find the truth!
I'm still waiting for someone to get the real story on the banana. C'mon people, it's not even subtle!
I just had to leave a comment for the stupid asses who thinks the
Gatorade Bottle looks like a penis. Really now, are you that bored that
you have to imagine shit or are you just pissed because you can't come
up with something as awesome as Gatorade. People are so bored lately,
they have to make up shit about something else to amuse their little
brains.
Seriously, who really gives a shit what the hell the bottle looks like. It's not the bottle that rehydrates you, it's whats inside.
You are either 10 or gay. Im sure if the bottle looked like a pair of tits it would much more appealing to you. However, for a *guy* to automatically think its a penis? Riiiiiiight!?!?!?! Free speech is a wonderful thing, isnt it?
There are much more things in this world than to worry about a damned bottle. Our people are dying and your writing about a fucking bottle!
I hope that Gatorade can sue you Lame Ass Losers.
Seriously, who really gives a shit what the hell the bottle looks like. It's not the bottle that rehydrates you, it's whats inside.
You are either 10 or gay. Im sure if the bottle looked like a pair of tits it would much more appealing to you. However, for a *guy* to automatically think its a penis? Riiiiiiight!?!?!?! Free speech is a wonderful thing, isnt it?
There are much more things in this world than to worry about a damned bottle. Our people are dying and your writing about a fucking bottle!
I hope that Gatorade can sue you Lame Ass Losers.
That was great, and these people who are flaming you really need to
take the stick out. The bottle is shaped a little like a penis. He
found the joke and ran with it...what's the big deal?
hell if i was rich i would play a huge assed prank on the world too. To
bad i didnt think of it first or i would be reading hate mail on an
island in the Caribbean
in response to one of the previous comments posted above. "you are
either 10 or gay"??? hahaha...wow, buddy if you're trying to sound
mature about all this, you're a fucking moron. why do you even bother
reading this if you're going to get your panties in a bunch?
to be a complaining little bitch like you i'd like to say a few things myself...
yes it would be nice to have a bottle in the shaped like a tit, or a set of tits...secondly, people are dying everywhere, so whine about that somewhere else.. how about NOT wasting your time to post a comment bashing the author of this article and use that time to go out and help out those that are dying.. cuz complaining about a little things like this is hell of a lot more important isn't it?. thirdly, eat shit and leave this guy alone.
this isn't an article that's to hit the national newspapers, it's a blog and people post their opinions on things.. free speech is a wonderful thing.
peace out bitches!
to be a complaining little bitch like you i'd like to say a few things myself...
yes it would be nice to have a bottle in the shaped like a tit, or a set of tits...secondly, people are dying everywhere, so whine about that somewhere else.. how about NOT wasting your time to post a comment bashing the author of this article and use that time to go out and help out those that are dying.. cuz complaining about a little things like this is hell of a lot more important isn't it?. thirdly, eat shit and leave this guy alone.
this isn't an article that's to hit the national newspapers, it's a blog and people post their opinions on things.. free speech is a wonderful thing.
peace out bitches!
Have you ever noticed that the upper part of the bottle looks like a
tit? Only when it's attached to the lower cylinder does it take on the
phallic appearance. When I drink Gatorade I try to focus on the upper
portion only, while my wife likes the bottle in its entirety.
Some people seem to think they need to make ad hominum attacks to build their pathetic egos. But if this thread bothers tham so much, perhaps they shouldn't keep coming back to read it; or maybe their computers are possessed, and they are just unwitting "victims".
Some people seem to think they need to make ad hominum attacks to build their pathetic egos. But if this thread bothers tham so much, perhaps they shouldn't keep coming back to read it; or maybe their computers are possessed, and they are just unwitting "victims".
The angry anonymous guy is right. People are dying EVERY DAY. And we're
wasting time talking about dick-shaped drink bottles.
I'm going to start a series of poignant yet satirical articles regarding the persistent Iraqi insurgency, the utilitarian objectives of the Bush administration, and the resulting trickle-down effect on governmental soverignty and economic sanctions. I'll find a way to blame all of this on Greg Ostertag.
That is, if my mom will let me. Because, you know, I'm only 10 years old.
I'm going to recommend other sports bloggers to stop writing about sports as well. Oh, angry anonymous guy. So wise. So anonymous. And so ANGRY.
I'm going to start a series of poignant yet satirical articles regarding the persistent Iraqi insurgency, the utilitarian objectives of the Bush administration, and the resulting trickle-down effect on governmental soverignty and economic sanctions. I'll find a way to blame all of this on Greg Ostertag.
That is, if my mom will let me. Because, you know, I'm only 10 years old.
I'm going to recommend other sports bloggers to stop writing about sports as well. Oh, angry anonymous guy. So wise. So anonymous. And so ANGRY.
What I find so amusing is that even through the blatant sarcasm and
humor in this article and its former, people still find ways to become
frustrated.
Oh, and to all who are that inane, Gatorade bottles DO have the shape of a Phallus. But then again, so to a million and one other things. The point is that you can correlate seemingly disimilar objects by finding a commonality between the two, even if that commonality conjures itself like this: 8====>
Oh, and to all who are that inane, Gatorade bottles DO have the shape of a Phallus. But then again, so to a million and one other things. The point is that you can correlate seemingly disimilar objects by finding a commonality between the two, even if that commonality conjures itself like this: 8====>
I'm a contract product design engineer and I can assure you that
clients ask us to make things look look like boobs, pussies, and yes,
cocks. Sex is very powerful and to not use such a powerful tool in
marketing is just plain stupid. Anyone who doubts that is an idiot who
is, like so many Americans, afraid of their sexuality and would rather
see a burned corpse than Gwen Stephani's luscious titties. (thanks for
that)
To the "people are dying everyday" posts, well if you can figure out a
way to make people stop dying then good for you GOD. See the bad thing
about living is that at some point you die. And yes the bottle does
look a bit like a meat-pole.
I have a cup that is made from a cast of one of my dad's friend's mom's
tits. She made them back in the day and gave one to my dad. I'm very
creative so I keep coffee creamer in it.
People get really worked up when they hear something they don't agree
with. I'm a 27 year old college grad. and I actually spit up my
gatorade when I read this it was so funny.
the reason so many damned things resemble a cock, especially bottles
containing fluids (like beer bottles) are for perverse men (like me)...
but not cuz we're gay, cuz we wonder how many girls will allow us to
penetrate them with various objects (yea, i do have an obsession
wondering this type of shit, oh well).
I mean come on, most of us, no matter what we think of porn, especially strange penetrative objects being used on women, find it curious. If you caught a glimpse of a some lady using a banana (since we're obsessed with that fruit) to penetrate herself, we find it hard to look away. Not cuz she's naked (naked people, oh well), but something new and strange usually gets stared at, it's human nature.
I mean come on, most of us, no matter what we think of porn, especially strange penetrative objects being used on women, find it curious. If you caught a glimpse of a some lady using a banana (since we're obsessed with that fruit) to penetrate herself, we find it hard to look away. Not cuz she's naked (naked people, oh well), but something new and strange usually gets stared at, it's human nature.
Well, I too think the article, and the conspiracy(even it's it is true)
is funny. It's good reading. That's all. I don't think the blogger
intends it to be anything other than that, a bit of something to read
when ur bored. He's probably a major drinker of it..
If ur so concerned with "people dying" you wouldn't be reading a blog about a world famous sports drink that has a penis shaped bottle, according to the blogger that is.
If ur so concerned with "people dying" you wouldn't be reading a blog about a world famous sports drink that has a penis shaped bottle, according to the blogger that is.
yep, definitely fun to get retards up in arms about stupid things like
this. ten year olds of the world, unite and find more phallus-shaped
objects to rant about!!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/75647085@N00/sets/72057594101495809/ <-- Flickr Picture set of the tit-cup, NSFW really.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/75647085@N00/sets/72057594101495809/ <-- picture set of the boob cup, NSFW
how can someone actually get offended by reading something like this.
"You said my favorite drink looks like a penis! fuck you!!!"
how about.. get a life you losers.
how about.. get a life you losers.
HAHAHAHA your first post was funnier but this is great too. fucking
hilarious shit. fuck the haters, they should go drink a gatorade
HAHAHA first post was funnier this was great though. funny shit. fuck the haters, they should go drink a gatorade.
This article was funny as all hell.
Let me break this down real simple-like for the people who wanted to come in here and flame the author:
The bottle is shaped like a fucking penis. Sure, it's not proportionally accurate, but the resemblance is there. Alright, now we've obviously got some people who are a little upset by the idea that they put a large penis-like bottle to their mouths everyday at the gym and on the field after a workout. You could say they were being defensive, yes? The first insult that comes to their mind is "you're gay". Hmmm...
All you flamers (oops!) out there following me so far?
Welcome to the land of the insecure. You like Gatorade? Great, drink up and laugh about the shape of the bottle. Move on. Those of you who feel the need come in here and bash a genuinely funny article because you can't handle the idea of a penis shaped object coming near you should re-evaluate your motivations.
Is your world dark, small perhaps? Two or three feet of room on each side, low ceiling? Hmm... If I may, it's called a closet. Get over yourselves or get out and acknowledge who you really are. There's no shame in loving the cock. I love mine. You just want to love everyone elses, and that's okay.
I think that about covers it.
Let me break this down real simple-like for the people who wanted to come in here and flame the author:
The bottle is shaped like a fucking penis. Sure, it's not proportionally accurate, but the resemblance is there. Alright, now we've obviously got some people who are a little upset by the idea that they put a large penis-like bottle to their mouths everyday at the gym and on the field after a workout. You could say they were being defensive, yes? The first insult that comes to their mind is "you're gay". Hmmm...
All you flamers (oops!) out there following me so far?
Welcome to the land of the insecure. You like Gatorade? Great, drink up and laugh about the shape of the bottle. Move on. Those of you who feel the need come in here and bash a genuinely funny article because you can't handle the idea of a penis shaped object coming near you should re-evaluate your motivations.
Is your world dark, small perhaps? Two or three feet of room on each side, low ceiling? Hmm... If I may, it's called a closet. Get over yourselves or get out and acknowledge who you really are. There's no shame in loving the cock. I love mine. You just want to love everyone elses, and that's okay.
I think that about covers it.
Here's a Gatorade sponsored athlete showing us what he thinks the bottle is:
http://editorial.gettyimages.com/source/search/details_pop.aspx?iid=55918194&cdi=0
http://editorial.gettyimages.com/source/search/details_pop.aspx?iid=55918194&cdi=0
i love you for these articles. anyone who flames for this needs to die
in a fire because they are jealous they arent as e-cool as everyone who
GETS IT.
Quote " Really now, are you that bored that you have to imagine shit or
are you just pissed because you can't come up with something as awesome
as Gatorade."
Gatorade is nothing more than Kool-aid with salt added to it, what do you think electrolytes are??? A chimp could have invented Gatorade
Gatorade is nothing more than Kool-aid with salt added to it, what do you think electrolytes are??? A chimp could have invented Gatorade
It's pretty funny that people have left so many comments saying that no
one who wasn't 10 or gay would look for such things and that no one
would intentionally make the bottle look like a penis.
I spent no less than a week (perhaps 2 counting all of the times the topic was revisited) in marketing at a very reputable business school discussing hidden symbols and just how intentional they are (see the pepsi sex cans, the little mermaid, or any liquor ad ever).
Besides, anatomically inspired containers are nothing new, most goblets and wine glasses are inspired by the female breast.
I spent no less than a week (perhaps 2 counting all of the times the topic was revisited) in marketing at a very reputable business school discussing hidden symbols and just how intentional they are (see the pepsi sex cans, the little mermaid, or any liquor ad ever).
Besides, anatomically inspired containers are nothing new, most goblets and wine glasses are inspired by the female breast.
Well, you've truely outdone yourself this time. We were cruising along
the "funny" highway, and all of a sudden, I read your letter to the
makers of Gatorade, and the "LPH" (Laughs Per Hour) gauge on the
dashboard of my LOLlermobile suddenly peaked. Even better was the
independent Gatorade Blog. Just when I thought this post was about the
culmination of everything I had ever found funny in life, you linked to
a picture of Gwens Luscious Jumblies....and now I know, this post was
in reality, a culmination of everything I hold dear in my life....thank
you Basketbawful.....you have given my life purpose.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go ride the Great White Knuckler while looking at that picture of Gwen.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go ride the Great White Knuckler while looking at that picture of Gwen.
You know, the all the comments from people taking it seriously is the funniest part of this whole thing.
I am no longer capable of drinking a Gatorade or seeing someone else
drink a Gatorade ever again without thinking of this and
laughing...Thank You.
Jesus Christ people, get pissed. I personally thought this was a very
well written and informing post. Furthermore, I don't think I'll ever
drink Gatorade again, or hold a straight face while someone I know
does. Gatorade lost my business by trying to put a penis in my mouth.
Kind of ironic, isn't it? Keep up the good work.
I find it funny how everyone who is overly annoyed with your Gatorade
articles remains anonymous. It may be because they fear that you might
contact them and prove them wrong. Maybe they're afraid that the drink
they've enjoyed so long could possibly promote their own homosexuality.
I think this is hilarious and should be enjoyed for what it is: an article to get a few laughs out. Anyone who takes this seriously and gets angered by it should just chill out. It's not a big deal...
I think this is hilarious and should be enjoyed for what it is: an article to get a few laughs out. Anyone who takes this seriously and gets angered by it should just chill out. It's not a big deal...
why do all you people even bother... yes people may not be very mature
but atleast they can find humor in the little things. i mean why dont
you grow up, you feel the need to tell people how they are dumb for
looking at something that does resemble a man penis. stop thinking your
so cool and mature and go eat a dick! your bud, ICE
this is really funny stuff the only thing funnier is basketball itself
one round ball two big holes see how many times you can stuff it in
there. now thats comedy
yep. that was just funny!!! of course it looks like a cock! Companies
tend to have a dirrty ( I know it is spelled dirty.lol) mind and have
fun with it. There are other products that we use everyday and yet it
has sexual meaning to it.
kudos to your site :)
kudos to your site :)
Ok, lets sum this up nicely. . .
1. Gatorade=Penis
2. Sense of humor is relative
3. Gatorade and penis' have nothing to do with people dying
4. A guy posted on his blog, got national attention and hate posts from people who take him and themselves much too seriously.
5. Nobody spells worth a shit when they reply on here, myself included I'm sure.
1. Gatorade=Penis
2. Sense of humor is relative
3. Gatorade and penis' have nothing to do with people dying
4. A guy posted on his blog, got national attention and hate posts from people who take him and themselves much too seriously.
5. Nobody spells worth a shit when they reply on here, myself included I'm sure.
alright, you last anonymous person...lighten the fuck up.
whoever wrote this, thank you so much. i will never be able to drink gatorade again. seriously though, nicely done.
whoever wrote this, thank you so much. i will never be able to drink gatorade again. seriously though, nicely done.
This is HE LARRY US, you show great creativity, and strong "grip" on
the facts at hand, it takes a genius or perhaps even mad man to see the
connection you have seen here. I do agree with others, that you should
dig deeper, I am sure you can crack this wide open. Penis envy is a
major thing, and gatorade with their gallon bottles and what not is out
right saying that their penis is bigger than ours, and they want to
shove it in our mouth. Great work, keep it up.
i saw the light. this is what gatorade is all about. it is meant to
give a solution to the "c'mmon honey swallow, it doesn't taste awful"
problem. tnx mate, now i know what to do.
If you put your ear close to your monitor while reading the "WTF!
YOU'RE SO STUPID! GAY!" posts, you can faintly hear the sound of a
airplane, slowly flying overhead...
after taking five minutes, i have decided that i wont ban myself from
drinking gatorade, and i am still laughing over the thought of my jock
friends finding this out...i am so telling them about this!
okay to ANYONE getting pissed at this site's maker, get a life. they
are just having fun, and to most people, its funny. stop freaking out
and saying they are stupid. www.t3hw00t.com ftW!!!
I'm fairly certain that Darren Rovell's response that "Gatorade's
bottles are built the way they are because of the fact that the plastic
has to hold up under extremely high heat without being permanently
warped" was not referring to the manufacturing process. I believe he
meant that they may be outside in extremely hot weather (AFTER they
have been manufactured and filled with liquid that suspiciously glows
under a blacklight), and that this hot weather might damage lesser
bottle designs.
I would be willing to bet every penny I own that this whole thing was
started by someone who works with Coke. Can't believe I haven't seen
one post mentioning this. Tried and true smear campaign...
blogger-style.
Frightening to think of all the athletes unknowingly gripping the shaft
of the "bottle" until their thirst is quenched by sweet, sweet
"Gatorade".
Thank you for confirming my suspicions.
Thank you for confirming my suspicions.
You can go to bed at night knowing these nay-sayers do not have the
mental capacity to see humor in the written word. Great work.
Having looked at the pictures in the story I have to disagree on the basic premise. It looks like a bottle, erm, no story.
However the purile nature of the bravely anonymous posts (I ought to point out that this is intended as sarcasm as I suspect it would not be recognised) is quite astonishing. I am surprised both by the repeated use of words like "Gay" and "Retard" (so useful when trying to convince someone of your point) and the amazingly defensive posture they assume.
So to the author, excellent job on producing an interesting read which generated such wonderful commments.
To the anonymous commenters, come on guys (or girls) be brave, put your name on it and learn to write. Please.
However the purile nature of the bravely anonymous posts (I ought to point out that this is intended as sarcasm as I suspect it would not be recognised) is quite astonishing. I am surprised both by the repeated use of words like "Gay" and "Retard" (so useful when trying to convince someone of your point) and the amazingly defensive posture they assume.
So to the author, excellent job on producing an interesting read which generated such wonderful commments.
To the anonymous commenters, come on guys (or girls) be brave, put your name on it and learn to write. Please.
Kudos to the author, I laughed the entire time I read the article and
the comments. The guy that said he spit up his Gatorade while reading
this had me laughing for like 10 minutes.
Oh yeah this site is definately going in my favorites.
Riftsaw out...
Oh yeah this site is definately going in my favorites.
Riftsaw out...
This penis style packaging is hitting the suppressed part of the subconscious mind, the part dealing with sexuality
In most people this is the most powerful part of the subconscious, and the part associated with the most 'hangups' and 'issues'
You will often see words like 'kill' 'sex' or 'fuck' in some subliminal ads but it usually is hard to find
Ive seen ads for McDonalds chicken nuggets where the nuggets were shaped like the head of a penis! A time cover with gadaffi on the front had the words 'sex' and 'kill' on the forehead subliminally
I find when I am watching music videos I am exposed to pretty powerful subliminal technology that literally 'mesmerizes' you. All this is delibrate, and anyone who says its a 'conspiracy theory' is either trying to put out disinfo or is an ignorant idiot. There is a reason the government and advertising spend the MOST on researching behaviour and the mind!
Do a search on 'subliminal ads' image/ web search on google!
In most people this is the most powerful part of the subconscious, and the part associated with the most 'hangups' and 'issues'
You will often see words like 'kill' 'sex' or 'fuck' in some subliminal ads but it usually is hard to find
Ive seen ads for McDonalds chicken nuggets where the nuggets were shaped like the head of a penis! A time cover with gadaffi on the front had the words 'sex' and 'kill' on the forehead subliminally
I find when I am watching music videos I am exposed to pretty powerful subliminal technology that literally 'mesmerizes' you. All this is delibrate, and anyone who says its a 'conspiracy theory' is either trying to put out disinfo or is an ignorant idiot. There is a reason the government and advertising spend the MOST on researching behaviour and the mind!
Do a search on 'subliminal ads' image/ web search on google!
I noticed most of the flamers were closet homos. I'm sure they're
relaxing in the cool comfort of a Gatorade bottle... right up their
ass. Good Article man.
Nice article, I thought it was very entertaining. To everyone that
trashed it and called the author lame, immature, and cursed them off,
you need to lighten up. Are you sure the author is lame and immature
when you are the ones that took the time to construct a poorly written
post that was probably more lame and immature than the actual article
you're bashing? It's a simple article, nothing more than that. Some of
you act like it's going to permanently put Gatorade out of business.
Lighten up and laugh!
I think this is hilarious, both the whiney flamers and the article
itself. You can call us all immature for laughing at this but have you
never opened a Maxim magazine? or are you too amish to have to do with
anything that involves women in various poses? Anyway, back to the
point, Maxim has a section for stuff like this for a reason (I think
it's called "found porn") It's because people find it funny, the
average joe thinks this shit is hilarious. I for one think this article
should be submitted to Maxim Magazine so they could give props to it
too.
-Rook.
-Rook.
I'm surprised that people actually feel the need to bash you for your
article. For one thing, you are absolutely right that it is a phallic
symbol. There is no way around that. Even if it wasn't intentional,
which it probably was, it is still a phallic symbol. People who deny
that just don't understand. Sex sells. Gatorade is not the only company
that uses a phallic symbol on their product. There are subliminal
messages in TV commercials and billboards for all sorts of products.
People are acting unabashedly idiotic because they don't know anything
about advertising.
IT IS SICK THAT THE GATORADE COMPANY WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS!!
I've been living the life of a porn star and i didnt even know it. I
feel so exploited. DAMN.
Wow, people sure do get retarded in a hurry when you point out to them
that they've been sucking wang every day after practice.
I love how all the losers who flame you non-stop are listed as
anonymous... Typical for the holier-than-thou, I'm-better-than-you,
no-sense-of-humor people to not have the backbone to post their
comments under some sort of identifying name.
dude..
did you ever consider that the penis may be shaped to look like a gatorade bottle so that this whole women-empowerment-sports thing wouldn't turn into another Lysistrata nightmare.
;d
did you ever consider that the penis may be shaped to look like a gatorade bottle so that this whole women-empowerment-sports thing wouldn't turn into another Lysistrata nightmare.
;d
Dustin got it right. Was he the only one who noticed?
I enjoy stupid jokes every to often just for the hell of stupid jokes, but when you start making mistakes like that, it ceases to be funny and becomes just insulting.
I enjoy stupid jokes every to often just for the hell of stupid jokes, but when you start making mistakes like that, it ceases to be funny and becomes just insulting.
Hahahahaahaaa!!!!
All you fools flaming the guy have no humour. I'm not talking about the whole 'hehehe a penis!' thing - I'm talking about how funny the way he executed this joke is.
It's so funny to read. Lighten up.
All you fools flaming the guy have no humour. I'm not talking about the whole 'hehehe a penis!' thing - I'm talking about how funny the way he executed this joke is.
It's so funny to read. Lighten up.
I'll laugh at anyone i see drinking this drink from now on!!
Hahaahahaa.
Great article!!!
Dig deeper into this - It has potential.
Hahaahahaa.
Great article!!!
Dig deeper into this - It has potential.
I thought both articles were great, and I never realized that gatorade
bottles look like a penis...I'll never look at anybody the same when I
see them drinking...and as for why it's shaped like a penis? SEX
SELLS!!!!!!!!! everybody should know that! that's why there's phallic,
and boob symbols everywhere! and people who put the writer of the
articles down? GROW UP! it's all about having a laugh now and then,
it's called relieving stress! anyway, whatever, I had my laugh of the
day! good job!
This guy below me is gay, don;t u have any humor, hes prob so mad cause
he had a gatorade bottle up his butt when he was typing it, lol
8=======)
"1 retarded post wasn't enough?
your cock seriously get real small at the tip.. oh no you just ignore the actual shape to make your stupid point so 13 year olds, or those who never grew out of the "hehehe penis=funny" stage can sit and laugh
real comedic genius
maybe you can do the same article again with powerade, all-sport, juicy juice, just about every other bottle ever..."
Hes drinking gatorade right now
your cock seriously get real small at the tip.. oh no you just ignore the actual shape to make your stupid point so 13 year olds, or those who never grew out of the "hehehe penis=funny" stage can sit and laugh
real comedic genius
maybe you can do the same article again with powerade, all-sport, juicy juice, just about every other bottle ever..."
Hes drinking gatorade right now
I love the people who are getting upset over this article. News flash!
This article is a joke! If you get pissed off from this I have some
advice, never get a job(your co-workers giving you productive criticism
might piss you off), and you know what, you should probably just kill
yourself.
Oh come on you guys who hate things that are funny....these are some of
the funniest articles that I have read in a long time. The fact that
the journalist actually researched and has credible information makes
them even better. Kudos!! I would like to read more of this stuff!!!
:)--This also opens doors to more subliminal penis advertisements and
products.....
lol. i think it's just funny how everyone's into a massive debate over
this rather trivial topic. gatorade bottles look like penises, and this
guy is bringing it to light. i found the articles very funny, and look
forward to part 3.
everyone who is all defensive on the penis thing is obviously a closet homo in denial. case closed
everyone who is all defensive on the penis thing is obviously a closet homo in denial. case closed
I thought it was pretty funny that no one mentioned the fact that it is
a salty substance coming out of a phallic shaped bottle. Especially
funny that they get that all over their faces and such.
Very nice! and very true in fact but this is not exactly a conspiration
in my opinion, it's just another way of subliminal advertisement, it's
like you said "the phallic shape is the perfect design for optimum
gripping. And it's already familiar" that is a basic principle in this
model of Ad, you should try to get the consumer to feel that what you
sell is something they recognize (to avoid them to think about it and
to overcome fear-of-the-unknown); as something good (to get their
trust) and as something pleasurable because the basic instincts of
every animal (that includes us) draws them to things that brings them
pleasure, so if your subconscius learned that stroking your penis
brings you pleasure, that will produce a certain desire to grab that
penis-like form of the Gatorade bottle.
Let me enphatize that this is no joke matter, this things WORK (otherwise they wouldn't be used) and everybody should know at least what is this all about, because even that this techniques are illegal, they are still in use and the ONLY way to be less influenciable by them is to know them.
Like RATM said "Know your enemy!"
Let me enphatize that this is no joke matter, this things WORK (otherwise they wouldn't be used) and everybody should know at least what is this all about, because even that this techniques are illegal, they are still in use and the ONLY way to be less influenciable by them is to know them.
Like RATM said "Know your enemy!"
"Seriously, who really gives a shit what the hell the bottle looks
like. It's not the bottle that rehydrates you, it's whats inside. "
Thank you Mr. Anonymus, for stating it soo well.
Butt seriously, shaping the bottle like a penis is a stroke :-) of genius. It looks like something we all recognise. Having watched porn during adolesence we all seem to want a bigger penis. Carrying this bottle makes us feel like MEN!!! We are fooled by our subconcius. Of course, looking at our own puny wangs in the shower after a good workout and lots of gatorade, we feel even more inadequate. This naturalle leeds to another purchase of aforementioned sportsdrink, so that we can feel like MEN!!! again. I think gatorade is really owned by a tobacco company. They are the only other people this sneaky.
Thank you Mr. Anonymus, for stating it soo well.
Butt seriously, shaping the bottle like a penis is a stroke :-) of genius. It looks like something we all recognise. Having watched porn during adolesence we all seem to want a bigger penis. Carrying this bottle makes us feel like MEN!!! We are fooled by our subconcius. Of course, looking at our own puny wangs in the shower after a good workout and lots of gatorade, we feel even more inadequate. This naturalle leeds to another purchase of aforementioned sportsdrink, so that we can feel like MEN!!! again. I think gatorade is really owned by a tobacco company. They are the only other people this sneaky.
"Seriously, who really gives a shit what the hell the bottle looks
like. It's not the bottle that rehydrates you, it's whats inside. "
Thank you Mr. Anonymus, for stating it soo well.
Butt seriously, shaping the bottle like a penis is a stroke :-) of genius. It looks like something we all recognise. Having watched porn during adolesence we all seem to want a bigger penis. Carrying this bottle makes us feel like MEN!!! We are fooled by our subconcius. Of course, looking at our own puny wangs in the shower after a good workout and lots of gatorade, we feel even more inadequate. This naturalle leeds to another purchase of aforementioned sportsdrink, so that we can feel like MEN!!! again. I think gatorade is really owned by a tobacco company. They are the only other people this sneaky.
Thank you Mr. Anonymus, for stating it soo well.
Butt seriously, shaping the bottle like a penis is a stroke :-) of genius. It looks like something we all recognise. Having watched porn during adolesence we all seem to want a bigger penis. Carrying this bottle makes us feel like MEN!!! We are fooled by our subconcius. Of course, looking at our own puny wangs in the shower after a good workout and lots of gatorade, we feel even more inadequate. This naturalle leeds to another purchase of aforementioned sportsdrink, so that we can feel like MEN!!! again. I think gatorade is really owned by a tobacco company. They are the only other people this sneaky.
In high school, my friends and I would drink vodka and gatorade. We
would fill the top part with vodka. Of course, our tongue in cheek code
name, "penis heads"
The guy kinda said the bottle was built to withstand heat, not that the
heat made it that way. Nice try though, you had it going on in Part I.
You Sir, have made my fucking day.
I love how you contorted all that Gatorade considers holy to suit your controversy theory.
BRAVO!
I love how you contorted all that Gatorade considers holy to suit your controversy theory.
BRAVO!
Ever look at a classic design on a pack of Camel cigarettes [not just Joe Camel]?
You might be right.
And, yes, it's a Viagra issue.
Myshutupnow.
You might be right.
And, yes, it's a Viagra issue.
Myshutupnow.
Well done and most definantly worth my time reading. Meant strictly as
a joke (I'm hoping, but then again, good points were made) I can't wait
for the next post.
You made it onto Torrentspy's news articles, and it's received 135 Shouts. A sort of ranking if this wasn't known.
I can't believe people are calling this childish, and complaining. It's an article about a wang... it's funny. If you can't find the humor in that, then you're either too stuck up to get it, got something stuck up your butt (possibly a gatorade bottle?), are are so pure that you haven't seen your own (or somebody else's penis) and therefore think it's a crime against humanity for this article to be written.
... or maybe you're just retarded who knows.
Anywho, good job!
You made it onto Torrentspy's news articles, and it's received 135 Shouts. A sort of ranking if this wasn't known.
I can't believe people are calling this childish, and complaining. It's an article about a wang... it's funny. If you can't find the humor in that, then you're either too stuck up to get it, got something stuck up your butt (possibly a gatorade bottle?), are are so pure that you haven't seen your own (or somebody else's penis) and therefore think it's a crime against humanity for this article to be written.
... or maybe you're just retarded who knows.
Anywho, good job!
The Washington monument is a massive phallic symbol, and then there's
the Oval office (Ovum). This stuff is not by accident.
Listen to Jordan Maxwell.
If you disagree, fine, but calling people immature and/or gay makes you seem desperate for other people not to consider the possibility that it's true. Why would you care what other people think, unless you think it's true, but have a hard time dealing with that truth. Deal with it.
Incidentally, the Washington monument is 555 feet high (or 6660 inches)and has a further 20% underground as a foundation, making it 666 feet. There is also a Satanic pentagram in the layout of Washington DC, with the arm pointing down right into the White House. There is also a compass and square (Masonic) and an Owl (Molech - see Alex Jones and Bohemian Grove, and the dollar bill).
So now do you think the PTB would not deliberately make a cock-shaped bottle for a drink that is promoted by the world's best athletes?
Listen to Jordan Maxwell.
If you disagree, fine, but calling people immature and/or gay makes you seem desperate for other people not to consider the possibility that it's true. Why would you care what other people think, unless you think it's true, but have a hard time dealing with that truth. Deal with it.
Incidentally, the Washington monument is 555 feet high (or 6660 inches)and has a further 20% underground as a foundation, making it 666 feet. There is also a Satanic pentagram in the layout of Washington DC, with the arm pointing down right into the White House. There is also a compass and square (Masonic) and an Owl (Molech - see Alex Jones and Bohemian Grove, and the dollar bill).
So now do you think the PTB would not deliberately make a cock-shaped bottle for a drink that is promoted by the world's best athletes?
Anyone who doesn't laugh at this, is a homosexual. And quack will tell
you. I for one, think it's f'n hilarious, so to all who think it's not,
I'd like to meet your girlfriend.
to everyone who thinks this article sucks, it doesn't you just have a
different sense of humor and refuse to admit that you see SUCH AN EQUEL
resemblence that the gatorade bottle has to a penis. I'm sorry if you
enjoy this 'sports drink' that actually makes you thirstier because of
all the sodium. if you don't find this humorous go elsewere and watch
retards falling down or something.
heh, i find this fucking hilarious. anyone who thinks this is immature
can go back to sucking your "manly bottle" *cough*you still can't deny
it looks like a penis*cough*
(and wow, andross, your dad's friend's mom has big nipples)
(and wow, andross, your dad's friend's mom has big nipples)
I have never laughed so hard in my life. Quite possibly the greatest investigative story ever. Well done.
Actually what I can't believe is that all these people can wrap their
mouth around a penis shaped gatorade bottle, but not one of them
mentioned the pic of Gwen Stefani's luscious breasts. I think that's
the real shame here. And just for reference, most plastic drink bottles
these days resemble phallic symbols to some extent these days. Though
most don't depict the seperation of the glans from the shaft quite as
well.
The conspiracy that I was thinking of was that Gatorade releases
beverages that are watered down and charges more for them and calls
them fitness water and other BS.
Well the world of male athletic sports is highly homoerotic. It does
seem rather fitting that men would like to conciously or subconciously
suck testosterone from a phalice. Part of being an athlete is checking
out your peers and sizing up one another's bodies isn't it? Any male
who gets defensive about "checking" another male "out," or even getting
his boxers in a twist about the simple observation that gatorade
bottles do in fact look like a giant wang, I believe is sufering from
doubts about his own sexuality. Men are extremely homoerotic by nature
as is displayed in many of the activities that they share with one
another. Why is that a bad thing? Pride season is upon us, so let us
use that time to meditate on accepting homoeroticism as well as
homosexuality.
Great, now all I would think about in Gatorade commercials is sex (gay
and straight, sheesh). Well today I saw a comercial that had a volley
ball (egg) in the beach and it starts raining gatorade (jizz), the ball
starts to grow and some Volley Ball athlete breaks out of it (baby
giving birth), and the gatorade continues to rain on her.
Thanks for making me analyze commercials even further. Now I can't enjoy those anymore...
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Thanks for making me analyze commercials even further. Now I can't enjoy those anymore...
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